Ones Man’s Opinion on Getting Knocked Upside The Head

Posted on August 24, 2007. Filed under: articles, domestic violence | Tags: , |

This is a responce I got to a blog I did on another site concerning what happened with Prophetess Juanita Bynum. This is the mindset of a lot of men in the chuch. I got emails and phone calls galore from women with horror stories realting to this same issue. They went ot the church for help and were told the craziest things! The mindset of the Pastors were the same as this man’s. Something needs to be done concerning this and it needs to be done now!  

One Man’s Opinion on Getting Beat Upside the Head

Friday, August 24, 2007 – 8:35 AM
Below is a an email that was sent to me in regards to the blog I posted concerning well known Prophetess Juanita Bynum’s spousal abuse. This is stupid! The person who emailed me this is one that will sit on the side lines and do nothing! What kind of example is this to set! Especially as man. After some consideration I decided to post this because this is an attitude that is prevant in the church. Therefore abuse is allowed to run rampant! Because of these kinds of opinions by men. This is from a man that is supposed to be “enlightened.”Dear Candace:In regards to getting involved in ‘Spousal Abuse’ issues, I am being lead to warn you, do not get involved,a dndo not ask those who are Christians to get involved. Our duty, is to pray for them, only; and if they should seek or ask for our help, our duty is to give them advice and lead them to place their Trust in the Lord.

I know, that, this might sound heartless, and or not of God, but believe me, God does not involve us into other peoples affairs. God does nt want us to take in the things of the world, even though we be in the world.

It is for this reason, we pray for them. But unless they specifically ask for our help, we are to hold our peace, and wait upon the Lord.

The Lord would never lead us into the affairs of the world, or to harbor ill feelings because a spouse beats up on anohter, or becasue a child gets abused.
The sent us into the world, to Shine our Light, and getting involve in worldly activities, is not what He has called for.

If we are Enlightened By The Spiritual Thigs, and Aware of God’s Truth, we would know, that, the Scripture reveals, that, poeple reap What They Sow’. In other words, it is part of thier lesson, and until they can turn to the Lord, and seek His Help, and until they can turn from sowing again the wrong seed, they must go on reaping it. Only the Lord can make a way for them to escape the innevitable. It is only when we place our Trust in him, and Believe on His Word, can we expect a change of Life, and Miracles to happen.

One Believer whose name I will not mention, says, that, she has been a victim of child abuse, and, now, because of that experience, she keeps a gun in her home, and says, if she had to, she would one or two things, pistol whip her attacker, if he should break in, or shoot him dead, and this is not a good testimony to be giving on Jesus’ behalf. What most woman are responding to, when they hear of child abuse, or of spousal abuse, is thier fear, and it is ‘FEAR’, that, they are acting on, not on God’s Truth, and Holiness.

Jesus admonished us not to pay back evil for evil, but to pay back evil with good.
Allowing our feelings and emotions to get stirred up is not good, for it is our rampant feelings and emotions that carry us astray, and to act on the extreme.

Fear, of any kind, must be overcome, and the person who is experienceing the fear, must trun and submit themselves to God, and obey His Word.

I am amazed of how people, especially ‘Woman’, who easily get entangled in things like these, without knowing of the consequences they are swoing for themselves, or what they do in the Name of Goodness, thinking that what they are doing is of God, and it is not.

When Jesus was takened and beaten, Peter pulled his sword and cut off a soldiers ear, and Jesus commanded Peter to put away his sword, and then, healed the solder by replacing his ear back. When Jesus went to the Cross, not one disciple, nor His Mother, lifted a hand to try and stop it, for they knew, that, it must be so. Jesus teches us to Love, and to Live in Peace, and shows us that we ought not to get involved with the affairs of the world, lest we get caught up in their fears, and express ill feelings and Human Judgment toward those outer things, which we are not suppose to Judge.

Instead, when news comes to us regarding these things, we ought to pray for them, and ask the Lord to intervene on their behalf. If the Lord should such a one to our door, or to us, then, we are to comfort them by sharing God’s Light, Peace, Love and render unto them God’s Word of Hope, and of Freedom. It is not our involvement that will set them free, but God’s Truth. Only the Truth can set them free.

And as you well know, there is the Law of Attraction, that, worketh mightly in our mist.
That is, believers will be drawn to believers, and evil doers will gather with evil doers. You wil never see a sincere child of God gather with an evil doer, or hang around with a Carnally Minded Person. No! Believers are drawned to the Light, and tothe Truth of God, and they are suppose to Obey His Word, regardless of what is taking place around them. We are not to look to the left or to the right, if we are not being called upon, or if we are not being asked. Instead, we are t march right on by withoutstopping to pick up those who are falling, unless lead by the Spirit to do so.

Our involvement in the things of this of this world, only draw unto us more of its problems, and more of its fruit, and more we submit ourselves to worldly activities, the more we will be drawn back into it.

My Beloved Sister, believe me when I tell you, we ought not to involved. Let the dead bury their own dead, and the Living go on to Glorify their God. Or as jesus put it, render to Caesar that which belongs to Caesar, and render unto God that which belongs to God. Caesar’s world has nothing to do with the God’s Kingdom, and we are, Here, on behalf of God’s Kingdom, not on behalf of Caesar’s world. We are not here to express our fears, or our feelings and emotions — nay, for we are here to Shine His Light and His Light only. We are here on God’s Buisness, not worldly business. And the more we understand this, the more we hld our Peace, and let things be, so, taht, God can have His Way with these people. Our intecession before its time, is an hinderance to God. It is like running ahead of God and doing the works that He should be doing.

There way too many believers who have thir sights locked on the Gifts, and are blinded to the Truth which they ought to be fulfilling. Let us set our gaze on Him, the Source, the Sustainer, and maintainer, and Healer of All Things, and let us stop trying to solve every worldly issue on our own.

All we can give to those who are not part of God’s family, is advice. And all we can give to those who are members of Christ’s Body, is Truth, pointing to them, in which direction they ought to go.

Because if we get involved with the affaris of this world, they will play havoc on our feelings and emotins, and it will not be long before we are turned back to the worldly things, for, even we must reap what we sow. And if we Sow to the things of the world, then, it is the things of this world that we shall reap. And if we are reaping worldly things, how can we reap the Spiritual Things? If we eat worldly food and drink worldly drink, how can we eat God’s Spiritual Food Drink His Spiritual Drink? We cannot serve two Masters. Either we let go fo the one and serve the other, or let get go of the other to serve the One.

It is not our involvement that sets us, or others Free, it is God’s Spiritual Truth. So let us abide in His Truth, and let us give His Truth to those who are in need to be freed.
I pray the Lord willreveal this and nore to your enlightened eyes, and Heart.
Let us give good advie, and not advice that we will regret later, when we find ourselves lost in the midst of the shuffle. We msut keep our gaze on the Lord and on Him Only.
To set our Gaze on worldly things and issues, is to take our eyes off the Lord our God, thus, losing sight of His Omnipresence in our midst.
the only Way God can be in our midst, is when we keep our eyes on set on Him. He who goeth before us, does set the stage and table for our partaking of His Banquetting Meal of Truth.
May the Fatehr richly bless and keep you Sister.

Below are are some of the stories women told of their experience.

 You know what…this happens all the time….
unfortunatly it doesnt surprize me, just makes me want to leave the orgainization we call “the church”
the abuse is not only physical…it is mental sexual, and spiritual…if I may say, the first 3 deal with the body and soul of a person. the last one with the spirit of a person…leaving that person in a lost and confused state. I am so tierd of it!
I think…sometime the women abused TRY to get help, I think the saint TRY to stand up for righteousness…I think some just get beaten down.

Amen sister,
As women first and then women of God there has to a line drawn in the sand that says this kind of behavior will not be tolerated. We are to helpers to the men and not punching bags. When a relationship goes this wrong it is time to move on. I was once in an abusive marriage and sister it is no day at the beach. You question who you are and whose you are. If left unchecked in the spirit you will blame yourself for the mistreatment. Don’t ever do that.
Until the head of churchdom can arrive at the knowleddge of who it is in Christ – it will be ill equipped to deal with marital, child or sexual abuse. We cannot white wash it away be singing a few hymns and praying that it goes away. We must address the spirits and call them for what they are. Demonic forces out to kill, steal and destroy.I pray for all women who suffer in silence, I pray that they will lift up their voices and cry out with a voice of triumph. That will only happen when they are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. He came so that we would have abundance in life – which has nothing to do with money cometh.

I too am praying for Juanita Bynum and all women.


 This is not a new thing. The Church has slept through this for generation after generation. Now if the church of our day has not stood up to and demanded that child abuse, mentally, sexually and physically, not be allowed in the body of Christ, what hope does the spouse have of being helped by the Pastors of what is called the Church. Pastors who often are found to be the most atrocious and brutal of all abusers.And if these hurting people cannot come to the church and find help where can they find it. Certainly not in the world system of things. The one that initiates and sanctions these things rules there. The Church needs to wake up and get with the program of the kingdom instead of trying to build their own kingdom at God’s expense and the expense of those, whom Christ came to set free from all forms of bondage. This problem is sitting squarely on the door step of the Church. The question is who is going to remove it? Perhaps if prayer was not almost a forgotten privilege of the Church, the world would recognize that she has been placed here for such a time as this. Who ever heard of ambassadors of a kingdom not communicating with the King?God is calling the Church to step up and take her place in His kingdom and in society. In the communities, cities and towns of the world. She must come out from behind the doors of her prosperity seeking, number counting, building programs and put God’s agenda, to redeem the lost, mend broken lives, heal the sick and share her blessing with others as readily as she seeks them for herself. When this happens the world will know and recognize our God is indeed God! And that He affects change in the lives of fallen people through his heart and hands, which are extended through the Body of Christ.

Now I do not object to prosperity or nice buildings, but what about feeding the hungry, helping those in need etc. This is one of the biggest reason we are to give into the Church. The Church is not to be an ingrown pain in society. She is to be a glowing example of the God she says she serves.


Candace I am a domestic violence survivor. I was married to a man for two years that held loaded guns to my head threatening my life on a regular basis. He kicked me and punched me on a regular basis. I was not allowed to make eye contact with any man and was timed for everything I had to do. If I was one minute late I was beat. Until you have experienced that kind of abuse or know of someone personally who has experienced that kind of abuse, I don’t think you can understand that passion that some of us have about this subject. Nobody tried to help me, they looked the other way and my neighbors pretended like they didn’t hear the regular screaming and shouting. I stayed in that relationship until I knew that if I stayed another day I would either kill myself or him, or he would kill me. I waited until he went to work one day and took my kids and the clothes I could carry and I caught a greyhound bus to the other side of the US. He would call and threaten to kill me if I went anywhere and even being hundreds of miles away from him it took me six months before I was able to go outside without looking over my shoulder and fearing for my life. Long after the physical abuse had ended, the emotional wounds lay open and bleeding. It took me years before I was able to become whole and healthy again and my kids have never forgot those years. I said all that to say, nobody should turn the other cheek if we know of someone who’s life is in danger. If that man hadn’t pulled him off of her who’s to say that she would have lived through that attack? Then what would we have to say? To me it is no different than Luke Chapter 10 when Jesus says to love our neighbors as ourselves. The Samaritan stopped to help the man who lay half dead and we should love our brothers and sisters enough to STOP, and YES, GET INVOLVED, when we see they are in need of help, whatever the situation may be. Someone should have intervened and offered help to both the victim and the abuser, because they both needed help. Perhaps if someone would have done that long before now, this incident would never have happened. Yes we should pray for one another, but if the sitation calls for more, we ought to be willing to do what it takes to save a life. I guess I have ranted enough myself, but I too am passionate on this subject and do not apologize. I leave you with this.1Jn 3:16 Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.1Jn 3:17 But whoso hath this world’s good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?


Prophetess Bynum ministered at our church for several months on prayer. She flew in with her team every Tuesday and hosted 5:30 am prayer. I had the honor of interviewing her for Charisma magazine. She was one of the most humble and meek ministers that I interviewed. She had no ego, just a pure love for God and His church.I would like to say that the scripture, “Turn the other cheek” isn’t meant to protect abuse. Jesus would never protect abusers or sanction it. If you read that scripture in context, He’s talking about those within relationships making peace. Not let someone hit you and hit you over and over again.I think the deception is widespread throughout the church because we have a lot of bad teaching and distorted view of Jesus. In response to that person about violent thoughts, well, Jesus was probably the most violent person against sin. Except the violence and abuse was directed against Him. But know this…He did it only one time. He would never subject Himself to abuse over and over again.

Instead, He would bring deliverance to the abuser if they repented. If they didn’t, He would bring judgment. It saddens me that pastors and leaders would protect abusers because of bad doctrine. My heart goes out to Prophetess Bynum.

You know what I am not there so pray for me too cause check this hit me if you want to k…as my son dad said I feel so sorry for the man that puts his hands on me. When I was 5 my mom and came home from shopping and my step-dad at the time smack her to the floor as soon as we walked in. I am not sure what or if she did anything but nothing deserves that. At any rate I remember jumping on his back and he threw me to the wall. Well he proceeded to beat her for what seem like to me forever. I couldn’t reckonize my own mother after that. What even made me more angry was she went to the bathroom and washed herself up came out and fixed dinner for us all. Later that night she ran his bath water and then put me to bed. Sometime in the wee hours of the morning I heard a grown man scream as if someone shot him. Well rumor has it the steel bat in the closet magically landed on this man knees as my mother grabed me by the waist and ran out the house. I never saw him again. But rumor also has it that til this day he walks with a limp. YEA mom.Now personally I never been hit by a man but I am a happy registered gun owner (have to be for work) and I tell you this much and don’t care who don’t like it…hit me if you wanna I promise you I will either A. pistle whip you or B. shoot you. The interesting part is I will sleep like a baby afterwards. ZERO tolerance for that kinda mess.I feel the same way when it comes to my kids so all I can say is well uuumm like my baby daddy said I feel sorry for the man that ever place his hands on me.

UGH this just added to my bad night lol I have to lift up some prayers tonight and uuumm yes pray for me as well.

Crazy, kuz that’s the reason I uprooted my family from the church we were at almost two years ago. One of the armour bearers were beating up on his wife and not only did the pastor co-sign on it, but he made the wife and her family the sunday message and kicked them out of the church(who by the way, her father was the assistant pastor)! Being that I was one of the top leaders in the church, I tried to talk to him because I knew the entire situation already(it had been going on for months and I even brought a message about it and made him apoplogize for his actions). The pastor looked me in the eyes and told me “that’s why you aint the pastor!” Needless to say, I gave my resignation! I feel deeply for anyone who has to go through abuse of any kind and when the church is at fault, it’s an abomination in YHWH’s eyes! My heart and prayers go out to these victims!

i was not beaten, but come from a family filled with abused women. my mother was not abused by my father (he is a wonderful God fearig man), but was abused as a child. and that shaped her personality. she was so careful with my sister and i because she didn’t want us to experience that. she was overly cautious, but now that i am older, i understand why she took extremes. i was so open with people as a child i see the wisdom of her decisions, even if the methods weren’t perfect.abuse doesn’t hurt only the women, but the children they will eventually have, even if the man they marry is a God fearing man (my mother’s fears became a little of my own before the Lord delivered me from them). even now, my mother is finally allowing the healing balm of God to come in and rebuild her spirit. i’m so grateful to God.because of my experience in “spotting” them, God has used me to reach out to the broken women. by His mighty power, i have seen them set free. nothing is more precious than seeing a crushed spirit healed and a pierced soul made whole! all to the glory of God.

thank you for posting this. i recently found out that one of my aunts who was being abused was told if she left my uncle will kill my mom, me, my sister and father. she has stayed with this man, even after being saved (for about 18 months), out of fear of what he might do. although he hasn’t laid a finger on her for 10 years, that fear is there. i will tell you the truth: it was VERY VERY hard for me to forgive him. he threatened (and believe you me, he would have tried but NOT succeeded) in killing me! he doesn’t know i know now; but my forgiving him is for my sake; not his. i forgive him, but he is not allowed in my home now. i don’t have to associate him to forgive him. i pray for him to be saved because he is so charismatic, i see him actually preaching. i’m still holding on to that dream for him, even if he threatened to end my life.

i remember when i was small me hiding my cousins in the attic, helping my aunt keep the children quiet. i came back down to see if my uncle was gone. i found my father (the most GENTLE man in the WORLD) grab a butcher knife, throw my uncle against the wall, put the knife to his throat and say: if you EVER come here again and threaten my family i will not HESITATE to use this on you. that man has not stepped foot in my parents home for like 20 years.

and, about the fighting, unless you actually see it and experience it you might not understand why sometimes you need to fight back (physically). God said turn the other cheek, but He didn’t mean for us to be a door mat.

so when women say i wouldn’t fight; that’s not Christ like I know you mean well. but you have never experienced being threatened. if someone threatened your life or your children, you’d be surprise what you would do and how you would feel.

i have zero tolerance of that. i married a man who feels the way i do. we are peacemakers first and foremost. and if you aren’t willing to be peaceful, well, maybe you will after a spanking.


 Ok,I personally find this whole situation tragic. I am a surviver of Domestic, physical and sexual abuse from the early age of 8 all the way up to being 30. First and foremost let me say this. The person that is being abused is not at fault, in any way, shape or form. So to say she should not have done this or that is totally a mute point. Men need to learn control and this group of people, we who love the Lord, need to stand up with this women and pray for her and love her. Men of God in her life need to hold her husband to account for his actions. Women are to loved by their husbands as Christ loves the Church, not beaten down.My prayer for this women is that she can break free of the situation. I pray that her husband have a little chat with the Lord and that God show him the error of his ways, along with the men in the Church. He needs to be exposed for what he did publicly, privately and on a church level. Satan works in silence….that is how women get caught in the trap….don’t tell anyone….if no one knows about it then no one can confront them. Expose the truth.

This is a very tender subject for me….I will be honored to lift her up in prayer. God Bless and may his grace be with you always.

My prayers are with Ms Bynum….I plead the 91st psalm in effect over her and her children.

Candace House


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One Response to “Ones Man’s Opinion on Getting Knocked Upside The Head”

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Thanks for addressing this issue. Yes. I think prayer is needed, but I also believe that prayer alone stops short of genuinely confronting an issue like abuse.

There are some real emotional issues that would cause a man to physically attack a woman.

Please feel free to join in the discussion we’re having about this same issue on my blog.

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